NUFC, the danger that lurks in the Midlands

Well here we are, living the life of a yo-yo, or the flea resting on the fiddlers elbow. We are back on the rollercoaster that once admitted you can’t get off. It’s a bit like Broadmoor, or the Scientologists, once you’re in you aren’t getting out. Unless you decide to wear that wooden overcoat you have been avoiding and turn to pushing up daisies. So are we on an up or a down? Easy to say down, probably just as easy to say up as we the fans (myself included) are intoxicated on the heady fumes of transfer frenzy. The air this week has been filled with the pheromones of bristling Magpies, and it has been as easy as left follows right to slide hurtling deep into this heavenly and self-prescribed opiate. But, is this the calm before the storm?

Can the Mags heap more misery on the Villa?

Can the Mags heap more misery on the Villa?

As we have all deliberated, Reading was a must win game, which somehow we confounded to lose. So is Villa the next must win game, or the next must not LOSE? There is no doubt about it, Villa are an absolute shambles and the confidence of their young bucks must be lower than a pythons posing pouch. But, on the flipside NUFC have been absolutely shocking away from home this season, no wins at all including Europa League failures on the road – they do not fill me with any confidence. NUFC are the only PL club not to have won on the road! Villa have recently turned in a 0-3 away victory at Anfield, a feat not achieved by the mighty toon for over two decades.

To me this is the quandary, the nightmare that lurks. The kind of nightmare where you wipe your steamed mirror to reveal Glenn Close boiling a bunny, but under closer inspection it’s not the 80’s psychotic blonde bombshell, but Niall Quinn in a basque and blonde wig clutching a bottle of rohypnol, the pupils in his come to bed eyes oscillating like Brownian motion. This game has the chance to right royally shaft NUFC. It could feasibly dry hump the be-Jesus out of our new found confidence.

To wake us from our nightmare season Ebenezer Ashley has after several pleas from Alan Crotchet Pardew tossed his lowly subordinate some more coal for the fire. These 5 burning embers need to ignite a team that seemed to have been quenched after burning so fiercely last season. The 5 Legionnaires of French origin by birth dare not fail on their first outing. Will Pardew start them? I hope so, he must. How the Southern hacks will roll around laughing, smearing themselves in their packed lunches of jellied eels should Newcastle’s all or bust tactic falter at the first hurdle.

To make matters worse a French outcast with dubious mentality, plenty of talent and an axe to grind against his former employers has a penchant for saving his best for the hands that formerly fed – Charles N’Zogbia. How many times have we succumbed to the sword of former swashbuckling mags? The list is endless. Please do not let this be the case on Tuesday night. If there is a God of football, let him smile on Newcastle United on a ground where the natives revelled in our misery in 2008 upon our public humiliation and meek submission to the Championship. There is a famous football song in the Midlands sang by the Blue noses called “Shit on the Villa” – I for one hope we drop a huge pile of steaming Geordie manure on their heads – they are owed one. Come end of 90 minutes on Tuesday night; let it be Newcastle laughing at the demise of another big club being ran poorly by a skin flint billionaire. The similarities are too close to home. Prediction – away win and a clean sheet. Put it this way in the words of Special K – “I would fucking love it if we beat them”.


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