NUFC – Bored to tears

4mph top speed - whoooah!

4mph top speed – whoooah!

Q. Is there anything worse than close season?

A. Yes, a close season with no World Cup or Euro’s.

Q. Is there anything worse than a close season with no international tournaments?

A. Yes, following Newcastle United waiting for transfer news, or any news for that matter.

God above, how the boredom never relents regardless of age. I used to have to wait to get home to read the Chronicle to get a whiff of action. Or ringing Club call (and accruing a bill of such mammoth proportions that my parents aka the bill payers – had assumed was obviously a sex line) back in it’s inception. I can still remember the bloody number from 1992! Brainwashed is not the word, just desperate for news. Lucky now I suppose, problem is – no news!

So now we suffer just as badly flicking constantly on our mobiles through every possible channel hunting for information.

However, What we usually end up reading is the drivel of people ITK (in the know), the rantings of lunatics, or the oh-so flipping boring ramblings of the breakfast photograph brigade that has #NUFC on (??). All this while the clock ticks ever closer to the inevitable closure of the transfer window. That sodding clock!

Like a man who fears his own mortality, I feel I already have the Grim reaper of Transfer Window deadline on my shoulder laughing at me. More commonly known as Sky’s very own goon – Jim White.

Just like the gimp of Pulp fiction fame – shortly he will be released from his tethers, and come crawling out of his box to front the countdown. Blah, blah – Its only 8 weeks, 6 days, 3hours and 4 seconds until the window “Slams” shut. It’s never just been closed has it?

Before you know it, we will all be sitting on the couch in our usual arse-grooves dreaming of the big hitter coming in as the Scottish Clown Prince Jim injects another adrenalin shot into each eyeball and combusts in a ball of flames and scorched haggis before our very eyes. If only.

I bloody hate this transfer window malarkey. Maybe if we were doing a Man City or a Chelsea, or in fact anybody else for that matter I might take a modicum of interest in proceedings. Every Premier League Club has won the Lottery. Whilst those clubs all jet off to the Copa Cobana leading the exciting millionaires life-style, buying and bidding for players left, right and centre – we still go back to work with a “money won’t change me” mentality, money smouldering in an untouchable account.

The activity behind the scenes for potential signings is about as fast paced as Pat Mustards Milk Float. And the general air of excitement can only match that of the Grannies surrounding the Tombola at my annual school jumble sale circa 1984.

But whilst I moan, the clock is ticking, louder and louder and the bell will toll for the Toon. Surely we have to have learned from last seasons catalogue of errors?

We are all deliberitating, cogitating and digesting each others ideas and transfer notions – talk of multi million pound deals, swaps etc. Deep down though – apart from the slightly more remedial of our clan, does anybody truly believe we are going to somehow eradicate the wrongs of transfer summers gone by?

Does anyone truly believe that in addition to exiting hero’s that they will not only be replaced – but bettered?

Does anyone truly believe that in addition to replacements that there will be extra bodies brought into the squad? Players with skill and flair, players that will excite the fans, how about this for a giggle – players we have heard of!?

I hope for better, but keep hearing all the buzz words and propaganda that filter out of the Cathedral on the Hill – you know “Value for money”, “Over-the-line” and all that jazz. Like Austin Powers, I have indeed lost my Mo-Jo.

But, if you have no expectations then you can’t be disappointed I suppose…

Not much!

To be continued. HTL.

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