THE MYSTERIOUS WORLD OF JFK – NUFC

Lord Lucan has given more quotes than Fat Mike in the last 6 years

Lord Lucan has given more quotes than Fat Mike in the last 6 years

No offence to all the good boys and girls out there, who have the excellent taste in The Mag and it’s very fan-site – but enough is enough.

Needless to say we all love the Toon, we all want to see the club doing well… But FFS this constant bickering about negative /positive articles being posted is getting right on my tit end.

Is it just me? The problem is the utter, utter madhouse that is NUFC has turned everyone into stark raving lunatics.

The fans have literally been battered into submission by Lard Arse McTubbs (Mike Ashley), that we are turning against each other in tit for tat petty arguments. Reason being? Nowt else to do but do the stories to death!

The same garbage player transfer tittle-tattle has been rehashed into so many various guises you could fill 18 volumes of the sodding Encyclopaedia Britanica with chapter and verse on  (non signings) Darren Bent and Batty Gomis. Obviously one of the Saga’s was ended in Warwick Remy. I call him Warwick as I have heard that his middle name is Hunt.

Conspiracy theories are now being drafted as regards the movements behind the scenes at Newcastle. So much so that Oliver Stone (Director of our DoFs first Movie role JFK) is rumoured to be interested in filming the Hollywood adaptation.

However, the whole thing would need to be shot in super slow-motion to pick up the movements of our rabble rouser management – currently invisible to the naked eye.

Not sure how entertaining it would be watching Mr.Kinnear in the broom cupboard playing solitaire with his feet and crayons up his nose.

Or indeed seeing Mike Ashley playing hide and seek with our PL funds. He has been hidden so long, the Guinness book of records are striving to locate him to tell him of his latest global record – hot on the heels of the worlds longest vow of silence.

Mike, at this exact minute could well be found in the foot-hills of the Tora Bora mountains or riding bare back on Shergar with Lord Lucan for all we know. Carlos the Jackal, has given more quotes to SSN than old Ash.

That’s why left in the dark, the natives are going stir crazy. Myself included.

The realists – or negative gang are convinced that MA is here to destroy us, taking every penny he can , selling everyone and signing no-one. Hang on, that’s what he is doing!

Whilst the blind faith brigade, expect everyone to sing “Always look on the bright side of life” as the club hierarchy smash in another nail through our hands fixing us to our collective black and white crucifixes! Keep smiling and take it for the team – it will get better.

People will argue that the reality is probably somewhere in the middle, but facts are facts.

We have signed naff all (barring the Merc) and sold a few. We are not stronger in any stretch of the imagination, regardless of what twaddle you might read.

Personally – I firmly believe that Mike Ashley is unfit to run our club, as is his DoF, and to a certain extent our manager. So what do we expect?

The decisions made historically do not fill any right minded person with the faith that these buffoons will put right.

Until players are actually pitchside being photographed in their Wonga top with a grinning Pards by their side – bank on nowt.

COME ON UNITED! FFS!

HTL.

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