NUFC V SMB’s – wake me up on Sunday night!

Flipping Norah, here we go again. The inevitable meeting with the neighbours you don’t get on with at the party you didn’t organise!

Even though you know this party could go pear shaped, there could well be kick offs outside, the deluded neighbours from down the road will no doubt be mortal and gobbing off, you still find yourself drawn straight in to this sordid and tempestuous do. Like a moth to a buzzing light bulb, or a gambler to a slot machine.

Aye, ding-ding round – 149! That’s right, we have been dancing with the devil next door since 1898!

No sooner has one been, another one is around the corner. Like a bad penny or an atomic boomerang, it keeps coming back. Some people love these meetings, live for them. Adrenaline junkies no doubt. The type of people who think nowt of hoying themselves out of an aeroplane strapped to a ruck-sack, filled with some string and a table cloth. Lunatics!

I love the Toon, but I hate derby days. The whole thing makes me feel uneasy, unholy, dirty…
I know what is coming, things on average will probably turn out just fine, but that’s not the point. This week, the build up to the game and Sunday for 90 minutes will be one huge big heart attack on a plate.

The only way I can get through this is with copious amounts of weak lager, and surrounding myself with like minded gluttons as myself, all lining up for more punishment.

Even though I know in my heart and my head that we are better than them player for player, the threat is there. The fear of failure to the crowing balloons cripples me.

For Centuries they have lived in our shadow in a weird and alternate universe, only with a shallower gene pool!

NUFC is not just football, yes it’s the team, but more importantly it’s the city, the people, the fans – the Geordie Nation!

Our proud reputation cannot be toppled by defeat to the goons, but they can tarnish it. They did so last year, who saw that coming? In fact for me they blacken us by merely coming into contact with the grubby blighters!
Personally I find the stress so uncomfortable that I would be happy never to play the SMBs ever again!

Happiness in the 80’s was a Cigar called Hamlet – happiness for me would be to see them sliding out the league and never to darken our doorsteps again! Cigars all round in the Swan house!

But this will never happen. Splits have happened over the years, but always temporary. Like I said earlier, we have still managed 148 previous encounters!

For all the pain, stress, piss and vinegar – I obviously love it really. The perversity of being a Newcastle fan brings us few pleasures, but one of those is stuffing the Mackems. For the sheer unparalleled ecstacy that you feel when we stick one past them, the joyous rapture when we take three points, the laughing at their misfortune. Priceless. It far out-weighs the fear of failure.

If any of our first team squad by chance decides to read this page, listen up…

Go out and settle a score, go out and make a city proud, go out and not only avoid defeat – go out and do what we know you can do, no what you MUST DO…


Always live in hope! Time now to hibernate till Sunday night, wake me on the other side!

For all the lads and lasses going – come back to the homeland fit and well, with a smile and 3 points please! God be with you brave souls. Bring it on.

Joy of Joys!

Joy of Joys!

Keep smiling.


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