NUFC – Time is right to gobble up the Canaries

Time to gobble the Canaries

Time to gobble the Canaries

Some managers are big fat bluff merchants, morning Big Sam! Gone are the old school. Preparation for matches now includes all sorts of weird and wonderful things – water aerobics, Indian head massage, trampoline physio, ice baths – faith healers, good morning Eileen. Apparently all are hugely important these days when it comes to getting our Premier League Footballers onto the pitch!

What is the pinnacle of importance to me is an old fashioned little triangle that was taught in school.
Motivation, Desire, Win your battle. Easy eh?

Easy when you play a team that you know are better than you, Chelsea, Spurs, Man U or whoever. Not so easy when the shoe is on the other foot, the underdogs being the opponents and their hunger and desire to beat you so much greater.

So it has proved over the months that this Newcastle team consistently fail against teams with less talent but who show more fight. Which is hugely frustrating to all and sundry, beating teams we think we will lose against, building up a bit of hope, then falling flat on their faces with some home banana skins.

If Newcastle turn up today thinking it will be a walk in the Park then we will come a croppa once more, or it will be a horrendously squeaky bum filled encounter of the too close kind.

Last season when we took on the Canaries, we started well and HBA was our inspiration. Chances are he will not start this game. After setting up the first half goal which in the end gave us a one – nil win, we then conspired to give Papiss the chance of taking a penalty which Hatem should have taken himself right before half time – only to see poor old PDC launch a scud missile into orbit. Drought not ended, third world war nearly started when the ball landed in the Kremlin.

That gesture of “oh it’s only Norwich” saw us then clinging on for the rest of the game. Would that have happened against one of the top 6? Don’t think so, sentiment should not come in at any time. Okay when Johnny B was given the penalty against Barnsley in the 6-0 rout at SJP under Keegan was a great moment. But there are times and places.

On form Newcastle win this game. On form we keep a clean sheet and score two goals. On form Remy probably scores both. One key common denominator “on form”. As quickly as the Toon find form, they lose it. Many have spoken about the Jekyll and Hyde flip mode personalities. To be fair, we have not seen the bad side for a while. Let’s hope it is not today.

The French mob hopefully will be flying high on life after beating Ukraine the other night, that could be a good thing for us.

Let’s hope that Pardew picks the right team, tactics and has those lads fired up and raring to get those three points on offer today. If so, Norwich are there for the taking. If not it will be back to reality with another bloody typical Newcastle line fluff.

After more Colo revelations that he wants off, is it time to cut our losses and sell, make some money and bring somebody in who wants to be here? With the suspension to Debuchy however, I think he will start today, with Yanga moving across to right back. Big Vurn could do a job there, but think up against someone like Snodgrass (who think is a smashing player by the way) I would want someone with pace and power to stand up to him, so Yanga should get the nod.

Heres hoping to a great day of sport, 3 points for the Toon then the boxing tonight Froch v Groves. Its what Saturdays were made for. Shame about the cricket.

Keep smiling. HTL


NUFC – It’s the thought that counts

Beggars Can't be choosers? Ashley's NUFC choose to be beggars

Beggars Can’t be choosers? Ashley’s NUFC choose to be beggars

With a weekend filled with no Newcastle or Premier League matches due to International fixtures, the void must be filled with something to deliberate on. The papers switch tactics to the usual London biased bollocks surrounding England and poor old Royston Hodgson – the National teams very own rock and roll manager (wock n woll?) and indeed closet Rolling Stone.

Due to the lack of focus on Roy (no Svenis and his Swedish swinging antics to delve into anymore!) and relative non interest in the games these days, the focus turns to the impending silly season…

Ho-ho-ho! Bloody Ha-ha-ha more like.

For those who have the 7 second memory span of a goldfish, suffered recent head injuries or were born within the last 6 months – may I remind all you good folk not to believe a sliver of what you read!

The torturous and daily never ending guff served up surrounding the summer transfer window just did everyone’s heads in.

This winter and through the next few weeks, the finest tripe will currently being harvested as we speak. Scraped from the bottoms of barrels nationwide, jotted down from the backs of fag packets in boozers and traced from the graffiti on the back of public latrines – they will be hitting your newspaper soon! Hot off the press! Steaming hot turd more like, a Yule-tide log of double bollocks.

But, being the addicts to NUFC we all are, we will read every eggy-stenched word and know in our heads that it’s all probably rubbish – but what if? I think we can pretty much discount the ‘what if’s’ these days.

What I would say is that, bank on anybody being sold at any point – particularly deadline day bids of which the club just couldn’t turn down. Poor old Newcastle just cannot compete anymore with the big boys like Spurs, Southampton, Everton. That’s right aye?

What you can also rule out is any big-money transfers. By any, I do mean none. And by big money, I mean everything over one English pence. With the success of Warwick Remy arriving for Buck Shee (I know there is a loan fee involved), then this is now going to be the route of choice for Fat man Scoop and the JFK clan.

Why pay when you can get players for nowt? In fact, if he plays his cards right the parent club might even pay a portion of the wages. Genius. Now if he can only get the machine patented which filters the urine from the gigantic holding tank under the stadium from the millions of match-day pisses and brews it into Ale, to be sold as match-day fayre – he’s laughing. Some might say the prototype to that machine is already up and running!

So when you read exclusive stories of Newcastle interested in 30 year old Yugolsav players arriving for 10m Euros, bids of 5m here for Internationals, if the Gomis story rears his head again (free in the summer) then put the paper down, finish your ablutions and wipe your backside on it and flush hard. Check the pan to make sure it’s gone, then repeat if necessary. The selling club are far more likely to receive a fax of JFK’s wrinkly rump than receive a written bid.

The headlines are being filled with reports of loans for Zaha from Man Utd. The transfer only makes sense for one team – Man Utd. We will become one of the clubs like West Brom (with Lukaku last season), Bolton (with Wilshere a couple of years back) happy to be a nursery club for the big hitters. That is if we have not already assumed this mantle. The best of a bunch of desperados clamouring at the Champions League clubs table for a few crumbs.

Having said that, if it doesn’t make sense for NUFC to go the loan route, then bet your bottom dollar we will be conker’s deep into it.

Worst thing is, if clubs are willing to continue the Premier to Premier loan system – the rich teams will continue to collect players and build squads like I did with Pannini stickers in Primary school – and that really is the main problem.

Personally I don’t believe you should allow loans to teams in the same league. The bairn’s can go out on loan to Championship and below for experience – fine. The rest, if they are good enough to get in the team they will get in. If not, the bench, if not the bench – the squad etc. If the player is not happy, then they put in a transfer request and leave. That’s the way it used to work.

Last winter the panic button was pressed as we were looking like relegation candidates, which released the codes for the Ashley Vault aboard his nuclear submarine. Now that we are fair to middling and on the back of a couple of hard fought victories the chances of that sanction happening again are slim.

If by some Miracle of Miracles that Ashley is visited by three Ghosts – who persuade him to change the errors of his miserly ways – then I will be the first to applaud any signings. But for the sake of my own and indeed my families Christmas – I won’t hold my breath!

To be fair to the playing staff the lads are doing well, but if anything that is the perfect time to make additions. Let us see how it pans out, but the signs are there for all to see.

Keep smiling.

Tainted love – NUFC

I'm Mike Ashley, yes I'm the real Ashley. All you other Mike Ashley's are just imitating.

I’m Mike Ashley, yes I’m the real Ashley. All you other Mike Ashley’s are just imitating.

There have been a lot of comparisons drawn between ourselves and our next opponents Tottenham Hotspur over the past few days. Bloody depressing stuff, we all know that the place is being pillaged by Fat Arse the Pirate – but when you see the evidence in Black and White it has left me shaking my head so hard I am putting a claim in for whip-lash.

We have no divine right to be bigger or better than any club, and most definitely do not have delusions of grandeur – but we have the right to be the best we possibly can be. Thanks to Moby Dick, we are now cheap skates, also-rans, bargain bin sniffers, Premier League paupers. Grateful for whatever scraps we are thrown from the Captains table. Whilst our opponents shop at Harrods, we are picking up out of date stock from Lidl.

Spurs have a Chairman who has had his knockers over the years, keeping a tight rein on spending – but he has transformed the club into major players. Making them the best they possibly can be. Spot the difference?

They too have lost their best players when bigger clubs have come knocking, but they haven’t just banked the loot and fished for cheap replacements, they have looked to strengthen and build with quality. Fair play to them, they have got a really good squad now. But it’s not just on the pitch, commercially they have rocketed past us. The obvious fact is that you have to speculate to accumulate. Spurs by their actions and ambition have made them a partner that people want to be associated with. Business, corporate and fans are willing to pay a Premium to see their team. Newcastle on the other hand are tainted by cheapness, dirtied by Sports Direct and Wonga. You get what you pay for.

If we shared the same ambition, the sky would be the limit. But we don’t have the same ambition, nor ever will as long as Butterbean is at the helm. We have zero ambition. Christ on a bike, the club admitted as such in the Fans’ Forum – no cups for us please! Unbelievable! Why does 1969 even get mentioned, 40 odd years of hurt quite obviously means nowt to the clubs owner and bean counters. If we are not interested in competing in two of the three competitions we enter and say so publicly – then by the power of Greyskull, why bother? If truth be told we are not interested in competing in the three competitions we enter. Ashley is quite happy to merely participate whilst the sound of the turnstiles click and the zero’s on his account swell.

Things will not change under this man. People will point to actions on the pitch, the Chelsea performance was the best we have played all season – I say that performances and results are in spite of the regime and not as a consequence. No victory should give them any validity.

He knows how he is running the club, but obviously doesn’t want any criticism of it. His pathetic banning of the local scribes is akin to a spoiled brat sulking with fingers in ears, shouting “la-la-la-la” when being told off. The abolition of the Fans Forum after one meeting is just unreal. The brat wanted to play football, but has taken the ball home after conceding a goal. Ah diddums little boy.

People have the right to protest, demonstrate, dare I say it – have an opinion?! The papers have a right to print accurate reports covering these things. After all it is a free country, but not in the Republic of Ashley, which has its own rule of censorship that would have the Taliban twisting their tits in complaint.

Honestly our Non-Glorious leader is ensuring that behind the walls of his palace, that he endures no negative criticism whilst he lounges on his thrown like Jabba the Hutt. In all honesty I thought that the local papers have been incredibly soft on the goings on at NUFC over the last few years. For obvious reasons they wanted their relationship intact. Maybe this will now sharpen their focus? But will their efforts and indeed the efforts of fans’ demonstrations fall on deaf ears? You bet. And thus the problem of the ever decreasing circle that is Newcastle United under Ashley.

If this seems to you like an unjust tirade, then we are never going to agree. Can he turn this around? Absolutely, but it would mean him having to do a complete about turn when it comes to the day to day running of the club. The chances of that are about as likely as us winning a cup! Ouch!

Back to the game. I am actually looking forward to this – which normally means one thing… disappointment! Spurs are doing well, if not ripping up trees. They are very tight at the back, which is very un-Spurs like and shy in front of goal – even more un-Spurs like. The fear is should we concede first we will do well to get anything from the game, such has been the strength of their defence. I have lost count as to how many clean sheets they have kept. Should we score first though, who knows? In fact the way we have played this season we are as likely to lose 3 nil as win 3 nil. The bookies must hate our lot.

Last week as previously mentioned was a great performance, well second half anyway. If we play like that we will do alright, if not then we won’t. Simples.

Here is hoping that in spite of it all, the team do us proud two weeks on the bounce. After all they have still got a lot of making up to do after the SMB’s.

Keep smiling.