NUFC – milking the last drop

Pull the udder one Mike

Pull the udder one Mike

From the moment Mike Ashley bought Newcastle United this mess has been coming. In the post, like a stinking brown paper parcel full of dog shit that someone has lit, left on your door step and ran off after ringing the doorbell.

For most people there is intrigue and even excitement when a massive surprise parcel arrives out of the blue. The Geordie public at large, myself included were caught up in all the excitement and initial razzamatazz surrounding Ashley’s lightning purchase of the club. Billionaire, English, drinking and buying pints in the Toon, bringing Keegan back and dispensing of Hippo Heed himself – he got off to a decent start didn’t he? What could possibly go wrong?

He even had a media friendly and communicative Chairman in Chris Mort – the sky was the limit. ‘Was’ being the operative word.

Fast forward to today and Ashley has not only spectacularly failed to reach the heady heights we had all hoped for, but managed to alienate, demoralise and above all else – piss off at least 50% of his faithful customers on the journey.

These actions and bizarre appointments, (the crime sheet has been listed so many times I don’t even want to mention it again) his wall of silence, his lack of any involvement or investment, his complete disregard is obvious to all.

The bobby dazzler of a parcel that arrived has turned out not only full of shit and set a’had, its splattered your new sneakers, pebble dashed your jeans and charred your ankles.

Like Midas or Goldfinger – Ash the Cash was the man with the Golden touch in business. When it comes to Ashley’s decisions and tenure at NUFC he has had more had the skill of turning everything he touched to into tat.
Our very own St James park renamed the Sp*rts D!rect Arena and forcefully used like a mule for punting his crud – every orifice cram packed with socks and Tee’s.

The clubs reward for being scarred by his filthy branding iron (?) – sweet Fanny Adams.

The only reward is indeed his own. No commercial gain for the club in an era that has never seen so much money on offer by way of commercial endorsement.

Our Cathedral was now the biggest Sock shop in the world, pimped, cheapened and dirtied. A public embarrassment and monstrosity. Ashley is prostituting our name and abusing our Premier position of power to strengthen his tatty empire caring not one iota for the progression of Newcastle United.

That beautiful club that drove us all mental, but always gave hope of better times around the corner, has become the club of not even the hopeful, more the hopeless.

Everybody likes to think of NUFC being a crazy roller coaster ride filled with ups and downs, well it might be like a roller coaster ride – but it’s just been stopped upside down mid loop by the operator, the thrill a minute that’s going nee where. How much excitement can you take!

Whilst he sits in the booth counting his loot, he can hear the yells and screams from those above – but chooses to ignore them. Scream if you wanna go faster! Howay Mike, even a little bit?

Eventually he is going to have to let the good paying folk off, some brave buggers have already jumped. Who is going to be left on?

Look, things could be worse, a lot worse. This we are consistently reminded by those brainwashed by Ashley propaganda – we could all be doing a Pompey or a Leeds if it wasn’t for Sir Spend-Bottall racing to the rescue on his mighty black and white steed. What bollocks.

Look, no population the size of St James is ever going to agree on one vision. Fans will always have their own opinions and there will always be a faction of discord. However the swell of the tide is possibly irreversible. Those who agree with each-other are now disagreeing – madness!

People are not complaining for the sake of moaning, people truly fear for a club set adrift by Ashley in a brown river with a severe lack of paddles.

Watching the box the other day there was some poxy event on the Winter Olympics – drunk snowball fighting or something, and the commentator said the immortal words “This tie is a dead rubber match”. What am I banging on about hear you cry? Well we should have that as our new motto emblazoned across the stadium. The dead rubber society.

When you are safe from relegation, but have neither the interest or capability in effecting the top of the table – it leads to a lack of motivation and endemic disillusion amidst a squad already cocking a snook to their summer breaks – and possibly new clubs.

Usually a dead rubber game happens in the last game of the season and some oddball results can occur. From here until May – every game we cross the white line for is in reality a dead rubber. Happy days the Ashley mob cry! WE’RE GEORDIES, WE’RE MENTAL WE LOVE TO FINISH NINTH.

God above knows how Uncle Pard’s is going to get us to the end of season in a positive manner. There have been some unbelievably good results this season, but some have been gut wrenchingly woeful.

I am pretty certain that putting the nut on ex-Mackem players is probably not the positive leadership we are looking for! Though a couple of swift jabs to Niall Quinn or current mega-doyle Clattermole would probably raise a few cheers.

Mr Pardew has been banging on about having a big old kitty to raid come the summer, well he is going to need it as I reckon we could lose at least half a dozen players this next window. Is Pardew the man to spend it? I have spent more in my local offy than Ash has this last calendar year!

This big kitty has been spotted fewer times than the Beast of Bodmin Moor! No doubt soon to also become a thing of myth and legend. Pards will honestly swear he saw it. Fuzzy and shaky handheld video footage will no doubt appear from those who choose to believe, regardless.

Players come, players go – but if too many come and go in one job lot you are taking a massive risk and potentially can end up having a major struggle. This is also in the post, SACK THE POSTMAN!

Mike Ashley has been rumoured to be interested in selling via some dubious website, deep down I just don’t think he is selling for the foreseeable. He has the club in the palm of his hand and gripping it like a cows udder. He is going to milk that teat from the poor beast that is NUFC until the last drop plops.

Keep smiling!

United we stand, coming at you in a 4-4-MOO formation

United we stand, coming at you in a 4-4-MOO formation


Cups – who needs Cups? Not NUFC

A break from the weekends fixtures has left me with time to contemplate. Sitting, stewing, brewing and boiling. A deep uncomfortable burning in the pit of the bread basket – it must be the Mackems again.

Not the derby, but something far more worrysome and depressing.

Sunderland to win a cup? Sends a shudder down my spine, like a bus full of Mackems just danced on my grave.
By the power of Greyskull – NOOOOOO!

Chances are that it will not happen when they come face to face with the best team in the country in Man City – but at least they have the chance.

It’ll be 11 against 11 and a day at the new Wembley for the unwashed to crow about.

NUFC don’t seem interested in the slightest in any cup success, or even a crack at the cups. Sorry that’s wrong, NUFC are NOT interested.

When it comes to the cups we have two hopes, no not the League and FA Cup… Bob Hope and No Hope. As the saying goes, Bob Hope is deed – along with our dreams. As for challenging in the Premier League, probably never going to come is it?

I use the word dream as that’s what I think footy and above all being a fan is all about – dreaming. Dreaming about such things as reaching Wembley, and the ‘what if’s’. No more ‘what if’s’ for us unfortunately.

For the fans this is gut wrenching as we want to win something don’t we? Aye? If you don’t then there is something wrong with you! Football is meant to be an escape from the grim realities of life, for passion and excitement. Not for politics, finances and all the other modern day bullshit.

Recall the promotion scenes following the open top through the town when Keegan took us up in 93? Remember standing at Civic Centre whilst the speeches rang out? Pure joy and pride.

Imagine we won something of note now, the carnage! I would have to take the week off work to recover!

Fair play to the SMB’s, they have given the competition a good crack against some top teams and managed to scrape their backsides into the final via the worst penalty shootout ever witnessed.

Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles would not have looked out of place stepping forward and having a bash!

Newcastle United by their own admission have no ambition for cup success. So all this is not news, nor a shock – it’s already out there. It’s all about the Premier League these days. We keep hearing the same old cobblers that we can concentrate on the league with no cup ‘distractions’.

Our club with it’s proud and rich history, with a tradition and love of cup football woven into the core of the black and white shirt – no longer wishes to partake. Disgrace. Jackie Milburn, Joe Harvey et al – shed blood, sweat and tears for that last and longed for domestic joy. Feats that will be talked about forever more. Not sure that will be the case regards Fat Mikes tenure are you?

We also keep having the garbage about Wigan and Birmingham thrown at us – well they won a cup and went down. Blah, blah and more blah. Oh I see, the Cups are cursed? You win a cup and get relegated do you? Someone better get onto Mourinho or Pellegrini and tip them off of their possible impending fate!

Birmingham and Wigan won cups and went down, yes that is a fact. But they went down because they were not good enough to stay in the league, NOT because of the cup exploits.

If we want to put ourselves in the same bracket as those two clubs – then God help us all.

The good thing about Wigan winning the FA cup last year is that hopefully it has put a shed load of fire in the belly of Citeh players to right some wrongs against the great travelling deluded. I watched the FA cup final last year on Gossy high street, a particularly messy affair for my birthday and had Tevez first scorer 4-0 before the match. City were crap, froze on the day. Another inspirational bet! Surely lightning can’t strike twice?

Will there be a time when we get a run in one of the Cups under Ashley? Maybe – just divn’t hold your breath.
All I know is that I would rather the lads had been going to Bolton, rather than them topping up their tans in the Middle East.

I am certain the players would agree with me, surely they want to win things too. Medals in hand, tales to tell the grand kids. They are not going to sit the bairn’s on their knees with a packet of Werther’s originals and tell them the tale about the time they comfortably finished 9th in the League are they?

As for us, well for me anyway – I want to have memories to take with me when I am gone. Some of my best ever days following Newcastle were in the Cups. Wembley way in 98 was just insane. Even the journey down was fantastic – “We’re all going to Wembley – you’re all going to Legends” banging on the windows as we left the Toon the evening before. High on life and cheap lager.

Old Trafford against Spurs the following year in the FA Cup semi-final remains my favourite ever away game and atmosphere yet. These times will live with me forever more.

We have had our chances to win cups and not so much blown them – but ended up against the best team in the country at the time or even Europe. Playing unwanted roles in doubles and trebles.

Might the Mackems be part of a first ever quadruple? Who knows, time will tell.

All I know is that if the Mackems went and did the unthinkable (almost spewed), I would be more bothered by the uncomfortable truth of our own clubs ‘ambition deficiency’ rather than sickness induced of that mob scooping a prize.

Look at the celubrious list of Cup winners over the years since we had a sniff, makes for bad reading.

Come on United – winning cups is hard enough even when you give it everything, never mind going at it half-cocked. Under this regime and with our current mentality – we are guaranteed that we will never, ever win or even get close to challenging ever again.

How does that float your boat? Just if the club and regime are content to spread the gospel of ‘mediocrity is success’ – doesn’t mean we need to accept it.

Not interested in our history or making history

Not interested in our history or making history

Keep smiling


Will we be joining the Dark side come Sunday night?

Will we be joining the Dark side come Sunday night?

Before Man City walk out on the pitch against the lads Sunday Dinner time – they might as well play the Imperial March that is piped out on Star Wars when Darth Vader enters the screen. The event has me feeling a smidgen of impending doom!

We have all been pleasantly surprised by the relevant success of the first half of the season. Some on here even talked of Champions League and Title successes! Taxi for one please!

Sadly after all the back slapping and blowing smoke up each-others hoops following the four on the bounce love in, we are on the brink of repeating that feat – only in bleeding reverse!

Previously I have tagged this team as the most consistently inconsistent team known to man. One minute playing like the 70’s Brazil team (is it the shirts?) the next minute playing like Accrington Stanley. (Accrington Stanley – who are dey? Show your age if you remember that advert!)

With each win, Pardew would be seen grinning on the sidelines like a newly bespectacled Cheshire cat on prescription drugs. Flying high on Black and White fever. The fans and SJP rocking, overseeing some landmark wins and performances.

Maybe, just maybe beginning to come back around to the idea that AP might under his restricted circumstances be doing a decent job, harking back to the 5th season as reference. The last season dusted over… But for every Man Utd, there has been a Sunderland. For every Chelsea there has been a Hull. For every Tottenham a West Brom. So on and so forth.

The Grand old Duke of York he had 10,000 men – he marched them up to the top of the hill, and he marched them down again. Uncle Alan has had us up near the top of the league, and to be fair we are still floating healthily, but let’s not march down again.

Pardews tactics rarely get questioned when we win – why would they? But they have been questioned the whole of last season, the beginning of this and the recent slump has brought all those doubts flooding back.

Negative tactics against a misfiring Arsenal probably cost us a possible win, never mind a draw. I can understand why he went for it, the same system as playing Man Utd – but that was away from home.

If we play the same way against Man City there will be only one outcome. If we cannot keep their backline and midfield on the back foot for spells of the game, and they are on the march forward throughout – their fantastic front 6 will demolish us.

There is every possibility that even if we go toe to toe and give it a good go that the same result could happen – but I would much prefer to see us go at them. City although absolutely class throughout have had some wobbles away from home – but in our last few meetings, we have been tanned. The first match of the season at their gaff was a debacle.

After that drubbing I feared the worst for the season, but the lads bit by bit have gained some momentum. Man City have slaughtered most teams this season, smashing 6 and 7’s a plenty – they play with such freedom and expression, they really are amazing to watch. They remind me now of the way we used to play back in the 90’s under Keegan.

Never-the-less we offered nowt that Monday night back in August, not that Taylor helped like. Will he be brought back in, with Mapou posted to right back to cover from Jean Claude Debuchy? Huge gamble.

Aguero is back training – what great news eh? The City fans must be in dream world. I know the whole City spending is obscene – but if you were them, would you give a flying fig? Why not likely. It’s all about that team creating lifelong memories. Winning Leagues, challenging for every competition you enter, battering all those before you.

One day Newcastle United – oh yes, that will be us. One day. Probably the day after my death!

In the meantime, here is hoping come Sunday afternoon that we are all back on the up after the team giving it everything they have got.

If not – on we go to face the great Hippo Head himself – El Gourdo – Fat Sam. If there ever is a game in the calendar apart from the Mackems that I want to win, it’s against that bear sized bluff merchant.

Keep smiling.

NUFC – Seasons greetings!

We wish you a 'Sherry Christmas'!

We wish you a ‘Sherry Christmas’!

As we draw to the close of yet another Topsy Turvy year supporting Newcastle United, can we make any sense of what has passed, or indeed predict what is on the horizon?

Pffft, why not likely! Topsy Turvy by name and Topsy Turvy by nature. Although comparing the goings on at SJP to the famous children’s story and character seems a bit daft, it’s not any more flipping daft than the truth itself!
So grab the Christmas sherry, stick on a paper hat and swig your way through the whole festive period knowing that you have no idea what is coming!

They say ignorance is bliss! Well enough of the Bristol cream and it’ll be “who knows, who cares?!”

In one million attempts to come up with a script for the season, not many will have scribbled the tale as it has unfolded so far. Positive displays on the field, but more over – players who had been written off as goners, rising from the dead to take leading roles.

Aye, topsy turvy all right. Nobody would have complained if the carthorse labelled pairing of Shola and Big Mike had been sent to the knackers yard. Not S*nderl*nd, but the place where they boil down old nags into pedigree chum, super glue and supermarket lasagne’s – allegedly.

Instead of the dreaded trip to the abattoir the pair have not only escaped the executioners axe but also appear to have been transformed into two of the greatest players ever seen!

Big Ammer’s is playing like a man possessed, come to think of it – so is Mike. Shola on current form is reminiscent of the original Ronaldo on steroids, alas without the goals. Or even should I say goal? You know what to ask for Christmas Shola!? Willo has been heading and kicking everything like his life depends on it, good old fashioned hack, head, hoof. Hey it’s all about the mix!

Perhaps they have sold their souls to the devil? Already on his pay role, there is always that possibility! To be honest I couldn’t give a toss if they have joined the occult and bite the heads off bats as part of their pre match routine – as long as they keep sticking shifts in. Shola has been around since we were formed in 1892, so it is about time he hit a bit of form! Couldn’t hit a cows arse with a banjo bless him, but he has started trapping that ball and finding his fellow players thus far, something which eluded him over the years. He has been a good foil for Warwick Remy.

I don’t subscribe to the current national love in mind, and the MoM awards have sometimes been a little hasty, but the big fella has played well – so hands up – fair play lad. Keep it up.

Uncle Pards has played himself and his team back into contention after an absolutely disastrous 12 months that saw him dangling from Premier League Managers Job rock by wedging his newly veneered pearly whites into a crevice. He had to use his teeth as our very own Jolly fat man at the helm has ensured his hands have been tied behind his back from the outset.

Will he release those shackles as part of festive cheer and allow him some money to splash in the Christmas sales? Pffft, probably not. Too much common sense.

The season started pretty shitty. But confidence and performance levels have grown by the week. The formerly struggling playing staff have somehow mustered up some form that eluded the same motley crew last year. Maybe it’s the holy grail of playing your way into the World Cup? Maybe it’s the whole not in Europe chestnut? Maybe it’s another year settled and gelling? Maybe it’s the top ten only Brucie Bonus waving from the distance and relative safety of Mikes vault?

Maybe, just maybe whilst we have a bit of form we could speculate to accumulate and improve the squad again – push for a strong finish? Hmmm, maybe I have cracked this sherry open too early!

Whilst the team has pacified most with 3 point hauls a plenty, I still have the uneasy feeling of the club having zero direction or clue.

Are we going to wake up suddenly from peaceful sleep like Indiana Jones and side-kick Short-Round in the Temple of Doom, to find out that there is nobody flying the plane and its heading for a mountain side? NO MORE PARACHUTES! That could just be me! You might not get the reference or the analogy, but I feel the club is rudderless. The hierarchy ruddy-useless.

Let us see if Ash and JFK can restore some faith. After all nothing is ever terminal, just look at Sholes and Willo – even Pardew. Football is fickle, so much of the brown and sticky stuff has flown about that you would think it impossible for them to sway the public opinion in their favour – apart from the few resident mentalists who are already flying the regime flag. Not so. They could easily swing opinion, if Ash pushes the boat out and gives his henchman a decent budget, and good old Joe manages to drag some big hitters over the line – who knows?

I tell you what, this second bottle of Sherry has definitely gone to my head now!

Whats next? Obertan for the Ballon D’or? Whey aye!!

Far more likely seeing Gabby falling out the Balloon Door (pub), Silver Lonnen!

We support the famous black and whites – it’s either one or the other on the pitch – great or grim. Probably the way it will always be.

For seeing us win 4 on the spin and in reasonably good nick, including winning at the ‘Theatre of Screams’ for the first time in 41 years (let us hope it’s not 2054 before we are cheering once more!) – we could just as easily watch us slip to losing four on the bounce, having already fallen to the worst team in the league (SMB’s anybody?).

More up and down than a woman of the nights peek-a-boo drawers.

After last year we just need to keep counting those points up to 40, after that let’s see what happens?

Predictions for the New Year? It’ll be cold. That’s about as much as you can guarantee! After that I have one Christmas wish to make – although it’s probably bad luck to say it, don’t want to hex it.

Will give you a clue. It rhymes with ‘Hackems to be delegated’ please Santa.

Enjoy the festive period and all everything the Toon throws at you.

Eat, drink, be merry and above all – keep smiling!

NUFC – a delayed reaction

Class of 72

Class of 72

Delayed reaction coming! Well done Newcastle United staff and players, never thought I would see it.
So many times we have went there with probably much superior teams and ended up scraping draw’s or getting thumped. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Boo-bloody-hoo

There will be no tears wept from Tyneside for that club or its band of intercontinental “die-hard” fans oozing their very own brand of smug.

This wee club in the North after having its bottom spanked only days earlier by a misfiring Swansea side created history. That is exactly how it felt. An historic moment. The JFK being shot (don’t build your hopes up everyone), man landing on the moon moment. If you were alive you remember it, it was 7 years before I was born the last time we blackened their eyes with a swift Geordie upper cut – back in 1972.

Long hair, platform shoes, bell bottomed jeans were the fashion. T Rex, Deep Purple, Bowie even our very own Lindisfarne graced the airwaves. Absolutely mental, 41 seasons (albeit some apart) of being the sacrificial lambs to slaughter.

All the pain over the years has made that win, performance and result so sweeter. Generations have been hatched and dispatched in between then and now. Lost Geordie souls who never got to witness our bite for once matching the bark of the fans.

I was not there, I was in the boozer with some very good friends. But at the end we stood in shock and hugged before having our photo’s taken, with fists pumped for posterity.

After that I proceeded to party like it was 1999, basking in some over the top triumphalism. Even phoning a colleague who is a Hartlepool born and bred “die hard” ManUre fan – for a bit of long overdue gloating. Funnily enough, the bugger didn’t answer his phone – aye that’s reet Gary…!

We played hard and moved the ball with confidence. Swapped and rotated positions and chased every ball. Posed a threat and Willo yet again had the back door locked tight. We deserved it.

Ended up sozzled and missed MoTD, only to catch the next day for some familiar biased coverage from the good old Beeb. What the hell I pay my licence for I don’t know.

Yet again from that sorry bunch they managed to make the game look like we had dug a trench and defended our goal like a scene from Saving Private Ryan on the beaches of Dunkirk. Blink and you’d miss the goal that we scored – you know the one that won the game. Aye, that one. More replays given to the correctly disallowed goal. The commentator might as well have chanted “who’s the b*stard in the black” at the ref and lino-girl.

Well done to that lassy by the way!

Their own website even had the strap line – Man Utd lose to Newcastle due to Van Persie disallowed goal! Not NUFC win at Old Trafford through Cabaye Goal. A little bit of credit when its due would be nice!

It adds to our pleasure I suppose, knowing that everyone in the media wanted, nay expected failure. To be fair over the years most of us have expected the same. Some years you hoped that it would be no worse than 3-0. Don’t deny it!

Like the changing of the seasons, or the tides of the sea (watching Only fools and horses whilst writing this!) – for 41 years we went to the Theatre of screams and got duffed up. Let’s hope it’s not another 41 before we are celebrating another win again!

The Red peril no longer have the fear factor. They are proving to be human. The officials seemingly are no longer afraid of incurring the wrath of the Manager. They don’t mind sticking it to Moyes, where as in years gone by they would be Fergie’s lap dogs and scamper for treats thrown by the purple nosed fecker’s hand. Man Utd – welcome into the real world!

But that historical moment is now exactly that – HISTORY. We take this team and play our nearest rivals on in the league, Southampton.

I was very, very impressed by them last year when we played them home and away. As daft as it sounds I think we will find this a tougher game than the last. However, we are at home and I expect us to give them a good game too. Pushed to call it either way.

If Pards and the lads can pull off another win, we will be flying high. I read Luke Edwards piece the other day that described Newcastle as a slag heap of a club, due to Ashley and his nonsense, and that despite this a rose was growing from the slag heap that was a flourishing and fine football team. I liked that.

I haven’t got that word for word, but it is a cracking analogy.

Even though we would be better served by Mr Blobby and Baldrick at the helm than Ash and Joe, somehow through the smoke, strings and rivers of propaganda – Pardew has got a team together and has got them playing.
Good luck to the lads, another three points will make my Christmas night out that little bit more memorable – or not as the case may be!

Keep smiling.

NUFC – Time is right to gobble up the Canaries

Time to gobble the Canaries

Time to gobble the Canaries

Some managers are big fat bluff merchants, morning Big Sam! Gone are the old school. Preparation for matches now includes all sorts of weird and wonderful things – water aerobics, Indian head massage, trampoline physio, ice baths – faith healers, good morning Eileen. Apparently all are hugely important these days when it comes to getting our Premier League Footballers onto the pitch!

What is the pinnacle of importance to me is an old fashioned little triangle that was taught in school.
Motivation, Desire, Win your battle. Easy eh?

Easy when you play a team that you know are better than you, Chelsea, Spurs, Man U or whoever. Not so easy when the shoe is on the other foot, the underdogs being the opponents and their hunger and desire to beat you so much greater.

So it has proved over the months that this Newcastle team consistently fail against teams with less talent but who show more fight. Which is hugely frustrating to all and sundry, beating teams we think we will lose against, building up a bit of hope, then falling flat on their faces with some home banana skins.

If Newcastle turn up today thinking it will be a walk in the Park then we will come a croppa once more, or it will be a horrendously squeaky bum filled encounter of the too close kind.

Last season when we took on the Canaries, we started well and HBA was our inspiration. Chances are he will not start this game. After setting up the first half goal which in the end gave us a one – nil win, we then conspired to give Papiss the chance of taking a penalty which Hatem should have taken himself right before half time – only to see poor old PDC launch a scud missile into orbit. Drought not ended, third world war nearly started when the ball landed in the Kremlin.

That gesture of “oh it’s only Norwich” saw us then clinging on for the rest of the game. Would that have happened against one of the top 6? Don’t think so, sentiment should not come in at any time. Okay when Johnny B was given the penalty against Barnsley in the 6-0 rout at SJP under Keegan was a great moment. But there are times and places.

On form Newcastle win this game. On form we keep a clean sheet and score two goals. On form Remy probably scores both. One key common denominator “on form”. As quickly as the Toon find form, they lose it. Many have spoken about the Jekyll and Hyde flip mode personalities. To be fair, we have not seen the bad side for a while. Let’s hope it is not today.

The French mob hopefully will be flying high on life after beating Ukraine the other night, that could be a good thing for us.

Let’s hope that Pardew picks the right team, tactics and has those lads fired up and raring to get those three points on offer today. If so, Norwich are there for the taking. If not it will be back to reality with another bloody typical Newcastle line fluff.

After more Colo revelations that he wants off, is it time to cut our losses and sell, make some money and bring somebody in who wants to be here? With the suspension to Debuchy however, I think he will start today, with Yanga moving across to right back. Big Vurn could do a job there, but think up against someone like Snodgrass (who think is a smashing player by the way) I would want someone with pace and power to stand up to him, so Yanga should get the nod.

Heres hoping to a great day of sport, 3 points for the Toon then the boxing tonight Froch v Groves. Its what Saturdays were made for. Shame about the cricket.

Keep smiling. HTL

NUFC – It’s the thought that counts

Beggars Can't be choosers? Ashley's NUFC choose to be beggars

Beggars Can’t be choosers? Ashley’s NUFC choose to be beggars

With a weekend filled with no Newcastle or Premier League matches due to International fixtures, the void must be filled with something to deliberate on. The papers switch tactics to the usual London biased bollocks surrounding England and poor old Royston Hodgson – the National teams very own rock and roll manager (wock n woll?) and indeed closet Rolling Stone.

Due to the lack of focus on Roy (no Svenis and his Swedish swinging antics to delve into anymore!) and relative non interest in the games these days, the focus turns to the impending silly season…

Ho-ho-ho! Bloody Ha-ha-ha more like.

For those who have the 7 second memory span of a goldfish, suffered recent head injuries or were born within the last 6 months – may I remind all you good folk not to believe a sliver of what you read!

The torturous and daily never ending guff served up surrounding the summer transfer window just did everyone’s heads in.

This winter and through the next few weeks, the finest tripe will currently being harvested as we speak. Scraped from the bottoms of barrels nationwide, jotted down from the backs of fag packets in boozers and traced from the graffiti on the back of public latrines – they will be hitting your newspaper soon! Hot off the press! Steaming hot turd more like, a Yule-tide log of double bollocks.

But, being the addicts to NUFC we all are, we will read every eggy-stenched word and know in our heads that it’s all probably rubbish – but what if? I think we can pretty much discount the ‘what if’s’ these days.

What I would say is that, bank on anybody being sold at any point – particularly deadline day bids of which the club just couldn’t turn down. Poor old Newcastle just cannot compete anymore with the big boys like Spurs, Southampton, Everton. That’s right aye?

What you can also rule out is any big-money transfers. By any, I do mean none. And by big money, I mean everything over one English pence. With the success of Warwick Remy arriving for Buck Shee (I know there is a loan fee involved), then this is now going to be the route of choice for Fat man Scoop and the JFK clan.

Why pay when you can get players for nowt? In fact, if he plays his cards right the parent club might even pay a portion of the wages. Genius. Now if he can only get the machine patented which filters the urine from the gigantic holding tank under the stadium from the millions of match-day pisses and brews it into Ale, to be sold as match-day fayre – he’s laughing. Some might say the prototype to that machine is already up and running!

So when you read exclusive stories of Newcastle interested in 30 year old Yugolsav players arriving for 10m Euros, bids of 5m here for Internationals, if the Gomis story rears his head again (free in the summer) then put the paper down, finish your ablutions and wipe your backside on it and flush hard. Check the pan to make sure it’s gone, then repeat if necessary. The selling club are far more likely to receive a fax of JFK’s wrinkly rump than receive a written bid.

The headlines are being filled with reports of loans for Zaha from Man Utd. The transfer only makes sense for one team – Man Utd. We will become one of the clubs like West Brom (with Lukaku last season), Bolton (with Wilshere a couple of years back) happy to be a nursery club for the big hitters. That is if we have not already assumed this mantle. The best of a bunch of desperados clamouring at the Champions League clubs table for a few crumbs.

Having said that, if it doesn’t make sense for NUFC to go the loan route, then bet your bottom dollar we will be conker’s deep into it.

Worst thing is, if clubs are willing to continue the Premier to Premier loan system – the rich teams will continue to collect players and build squads like I did with Pannini stickers in Primary school – and that really is the main problem.

Personally I don’t believe you should allow loans to teams in the same league. The bairn’s can go out on loan to Championship and below for experience – fine. The rest, if they are good enough to get in the team they will get in. If not, the bench, if not the bench – the squad etc. If the player is not happy, then they put in a transfer request and leave. That’s the way it used to work.

Last winter the panic button was pressed as we were looking like relegation candidates, which released the codes for the Ashley Vault aboard his nuclear submarine. Now that we are fair to middling and on the back of a couple of hard fought victories the chances of that sanction happening again are slim.

If by some Miracle of Miracles that Ashley is visited by three Ghosts – who persuade him to change the errors of his miserly ways – then I will be the first to applaud any signings. But for the sake of my own and indeed my families Christmas – I won’t hold my breath!

To be fair to the playing staff the lads are doing well, but if anything that is the perfect time to make additions. Let us see how it pans out, but the signs are there for all to see.

Keep smiling.